Do you ever have nagging questions of a metaphysical nature that you would like practical answers to? Would you like to know how to remove negative grime from your emotional body? Would you like to know how to fluff up latent talents? Whatever your question, Miss Candice can offer the vibrational remedy, when applied with elbow grease, to get any job done! Please email your questions to Candice at firstname.lastname@example.org with a subject line of "Just Ask Miss Candice." She will select and answer one question each month.
Anonymous of Otis, OR inquires:
Dear Miss Candice,
I have been applying the Caramel Carnation Sensation for almost a week now and I really like the smell! But I think it has been releasing things in me. I was feeling stressed out last Friday, and I think I overreacted with my mother over the phone. I did say some things that were long overdue, maybe. I felt very badly after our phone conversation. We have not spoken since. My emotions were very high that day, and I do not like the feeling of not being in control of my emotions. I am used to not saying anything and accepting things as they are. I guess I really feel like I am being taken for granted by almost everyone around me, but mainly family. It hurts my feelings, but at the same time, I am angry! I want to be happy and not to have to worry about things. I enjoy helping others because it makes me feel like I am doing something worthy and honorable. The difficult thing for me, is trying to get my finances in alignment, and helping other people can be costly. I just want to be financially free and happy. I need help keeping myself focused on my future and not letting other people sidetrack me with their problems. I do not want to feel guilty if I am not moved to help someone. What can I do to regain personal power and alleviate some stress?
Dear Sweet One,
You seem to be negating your own feelings. It sounds like you have been taught through circumstances that being a good daughter, mother, sister, wife, etc. equates to always being available in a form that works for other family members, to your own detriment. This is not true.
When you act from a clear, clean space, but others do not like your choice of action or non-action, then you provide them with an opportunity for a positive learning experience. Part of their own growth includes learning to stand on their own two feet and to problem solve independently. This does not mean that you do not love them or that you are not acting out of integrity; in fact it is quite the opposite. Do not allow guilt to be the harness that keeps you in seemingly good form.
What I would ask for you to do is akin to the Tower Card--the energy of Kali, the Black Madonna, or Lilith. These goddesses call you into the darkness of uncharted territory of the soul; to the truth that you must undo something before you can gain something new. The concept of flat or false enlightenment (blindly doing what is deemed "good" behavior) has deceived us into being afraid of the darkness and running from it in an attempt to avoid strong, unpleasant emotions. However, it is necessary to engage in such emotions in order to truly rectify discontent.
I am not suggesting that you behave badly, but rather that you act according to what your gut tells you instead of being trapped within notions of what you think you are expected to do or be. Expectations are silent killers of soul, and if we are strangled by ideas from the outside that we have outgrown, or never fit us to begin with, we become frustrated and impotent; we accomplish nothing and sink into misery. That is to say, when we perpetuate other people's unhealthy dependence upon us, we not only limit their growth, but we also lose our sense of self--nobody benefits.
The darkness is the moist ground of the soul, and is not frightening if we look at it with owl eyes; rather, it is a sea of nourishment, possibility and growth. (The owl is Lilith's totem and Lilith is depicted as a sassy redhead with owl legs in some myths!) To cut oneself off from the soul is to be cut off from one's power, strength and potential. These mother goddesses also allow us to tap into our anger and moral outrage, and to shed tears (please allow these to flow as much as you need, even if they make others uncomfortable, as they will protect you, cleanse you, and nourish you on your journey), thus allowing us to be transformative energy, to clear away untruth.
Mother Nature will orchestrate a forest to burn because that is what is needed for healthy progression. After the fire, in the charred remains, there is breathing room for new green shoots instead of the un-enriching brittleness of a dead forest. Why does Mother Nature sometimes use such force to make way for the new? You too may need to use great force to make way for new growth.
The terrain of the soul is uncharted territory that you will not have a map for. Your journey into the soul is about undoing reference points, so there will be feelings of being out of control, afraid and not knowing, but in this you will find your gifts. Thomas Moore puts it like this from his book Your Night Journeys:
"In your dark night, you may have a sensation you could call "oceanic"--being in the sea, or immersed in the waters of the womb. The sea is the vast potential of life, but it is also your dark night which may force you to surrender some knowledge, thing or way of being you have achieved. You must unravel the self, and the culture you have woven over the years. The night sea journeys back to your primordial self, not the heroic self that burns out and falls to judgment, but to your original self, yourself as the sea of possibility, your greater and deeper being."
Thus the mix for you, my sweet initiate, is Plum Undone--a dark, mysterious, fragrant cocktail of essential oils: rose de mai, jatamansi, benzoin, oakmoss, opoponax and black current--shaken not stirred! As you are on the brink of greatness of self, Plum Undone will serve as a guide in the darkness. She will open you to the vastness of your soul and give you star eyes to burn in the darkness, giving you the strength to be fierce, firm, and your own terrible beauty and open you to your own inner bravery until you find firm footing in your own unique perfect soul. Anyone who is strong enough to take on in love one of the most difficult but important journeys--understanding one's true self outside of any context, such as family or culture--is a true heroine! I lift my glass to you!
Before we get into the cocktail mix, let me explain the benefits of each ingredient. (Please note the sensitivities listed below.)
Rose De Mai-- This rose essential oil is the most gentle, perfect mother energy. She will hold you, caress you, understand you, love you and take care of you, and want what is best for you without expectations, when the outside world is no longer able to. As rose lovingly holds you, you will realize that the outside supports were just a facade, as you open up to your own internal mothering, appreciation and self support. You will feel it become easier to say no and mean it. It will become second nature as your love for self grows to let go or transform any person, place or thing that does not support you. Every day you apply rose she will awaken you to the five-pointed star in your heart as she guides you towards your own divinity. As you shine, those you love will be eager to support you, and if they choose to turn a blind eye, and live in smallness, that too is fine, as your sight has expanded to an eternal plane, and you will feel at peace.
Jatamansi essential oil, also known as spikenard, allows one to make a willing sacrifice in order to gain a greater good for all involved. This oil also allows you to do this in a graceful manner, with love. She stabilizes anger, so your 'pot' will not boil over and leave you feeling out of control. She dissipates stress and grief, and will open you to immense peace. This oil is incredibly soulful and brings knowing into the darkness to illuminate what you need to see. This oil also imparts courage and helps you to be in control of your life and make choices from the highest truth. She also imparts faith.
Oakmoss essential oil holds the vibration of creating life out of death (not a literal death, but a regeneration). He will strongly support you, as he is a first chakra stimulant. And as you find your 'true life', he will help you by stabilizing and grounding your talents and dreams. Listen to your internal musings, as oak helps you access your deepest truth and wisdom, give them heed, and use your voice to create the reality you want. Everything will irrevocably change as you give in to your true self and plumb the very depths of your being. It will be a natural, easy thing for you to set boundaries and bring into your life what you need and want, all while feeling good about it, as it is the healthy, luscious thing for you to do. You will also realize everyone has an opportunity to make positive change, and if someone decides to remain stuck, it is not your job to drag them along by the hand, or for you to be pulled down, or to carry them, even if you do care for them.
Benzoin is a resinoid and has been used traditionally in India in ceremony to ward off ill intent from others, because when we make radical change, it often upsets those we are close to, as they would like us to remain the same. Benzoin also releases lingering ghosts of pain, expectations, and hurt. He opens one to feelings of contentment, peace and eases guilt. He is very protecting and cushioning and joyful, and most importantly, he helps make 'aloneness' not feel frightening, but exhilarating, as the only way you can enter your night sea is independently!
Opoponax's virtues are explained well by the aromatherapist Maureen Farrell. She feels that the resins used in aromatherapy fall into the category of Wounded Healer and that they represent "the traveler, the pilgrim on the Way of Life--a steadfast companion in a journey through grief and in letting go of fear or suppressed emotions." It is okay to feel anger, frustration, hurt and other such emotions as they surface in this process because they will act as sign posts identifying where you need change in your life. As you allow these authentic emotions to surface without judgment, you will start to see the scope of what you want changed, healed, and explored.
Black Current will take you by the hand and walk you into the void, easing the energy of being hesitant, even after you identify what you want. She will help you to release insecurity and to stop clinging to old situations in which you do not want to upset someone. She will erase self-debasing and self-sacrificing patterns, and will open you to being perhaps a little defiant!
This oil vibrates to the energy of Lilith; her energy is beautiful, seductive, independent, and perhaps frightening for some, as she is not controlled by outside forces, but only by the dictates of her own heart. She listens only to her own counsel, and refuses to belong to anyone--mother, father, mate, society, or even children. This energy is awesome in its true meaning, as it is pure possibility without restriction.
In Lilith's Sumerian and Babylonian myths she is depicted as the spirit who inhabited a willow tree (the energy of willow involves taking responsibility for one's life and not allowing oneself to be a victim), with a dragon coiled at her feet (Kundalini energy) and a mythical bird in her branches (understanding, enlightenment). This suggests the Tree of Life archetype, pure primordial creation of cosmic energy. This is supported by a legend from the Kabalic text that states that Lilith was not created by Yahweh at all, but instead "she arose from chaos as a pure primordial energy, created from the universe alone." This archetype will not be subjugated in any way, and must be treated with respect in all situations. Woe unto those who do not honor this energy! Use this oil to imbue this deeply passionate, free, feral women energy into your life!
This blend is not to be used by children or pregnant women. There are no other contra-indications if used within the recommended daily dosage. This blend falls within the guidelines. If skin sensitivities do occur, please discontinue use and consult your doctor.
1/3 oz of Grapeseed oil
1/6 oz of Avocado oil
15 drops Rose de mai essential oil
10 drops Jatamansi essential oil
6 drops Benzoin resinoid
6 drops Oakmoss absolute
15 drops Opoponax essential oil
15 drops Black Current absolute
- Take a clean 1/2 oz bottle (preferably dark glass), remove cap.
- Fill the bottle 2/3 full with grapeseed base oil and fill remaining 1/3 with the avocado oil, being sure to leave enough room for the remaining ingredients. Grapeseed, in this case, is for providing the soul succor and the avocado gives you an idea of what the 'soul' feels like. She is a very thick, viscous oil, luxurious, heavy, and rich, but penetrating, and is full of nutritive components. She contains vitamins A, C, D and E, proteins, beta-carotene, lecithin, fatty acid, and potassium.
- Liquefy the Benzoin, Oakmoss, and Black Current. To do this, bring a small saucepan of water to a boil, reduce the heat to low, and set the bottles into the water. Allow the bottles to sit in the heated water until their contents become liquid.
- Add all remaining ingredients to the bottle to which you added the grapeseed and avocado oils.
- Cap the bottle and roll back and forth 13 times in your hands while calling on each plant and resin by name--grapeseed, avocado, rose de mai, jatamansi, benzoin, oakmoss, opoponax and black current--to come to support you and teach you the gift they each hold. Thank them one by one for their help. (Thirteen is the number of universal movement, and touches you with the hand of unseen forces and radical change. It will catalyze you into movement wherever you are resistant to change or whatever is unexamined or stationary. Thirteen propels you through identification of self into open consciousness.)
* According to the Kernerman English Dictionary, the word Amen is said to express a wish that a prayer or affirmation be fulfilled. The Online Etymology Dictionary indicates that Amen derives from the Hebrew meaning "truth." In Egyptian mythology, Amen was a deity representing the personification of air or breath (Random House Unabridged Dictionary).
- Take your bottle of Plum Undone and wrap in a dusky cloth.
- While gently holding your bottle, invoke the dark mother goddess (or goddesses), such as Kali, Black Madonna, or Lilith, that you feel you most resonate with and ask her to enliven your cocktail of oils, repeating the following affirmation:
- Mother, divine, black and perfect, I call upon you to rip asunder all that is incorrect and give me the strength to hold my position against all opposition, and to call to me all who will support my journey into wholeness and my new way of being. Hold me in the velvet of your arms, feed me and cradle me, as I grow out of your moist perfection. Amen*.
- Nestle your bottle on a windowsill overnight so that it can soak in the rich night energy.
Apply, in the following order (bottom to top), to the center of your foot sole, belly, heart, back of neck, forehead, crown of the scalp, and finally, to your wrists for self-smelling, of course! Apply up to 3 times daily; you can use just a few drops up to a dime-sized dab on each anointing area.
My blessing for you is for your wishes to be fulfilled, to find the truth of what you desire, and from your lips, your sweet breath will rise to the heavens to be received, heard and answered. Amen.
In good health!