It's a beautiful summer evening as you clean up your desk, slide in your chair and run to the restroom to change for the gym. You've set some new fitness goals and are beginning to see the results. As you back out of your parking space and make your way to the gym, you begin thinking about how you're going to look and feel when you reach your goal. Suddenly in the midst of the vision of your success, thoughts enter your mind that pick at your vision like a stream of worker ants breaking down a morsel of food left over from a picnic. One moment you are reveling in your power to create the desired change you want, the next you are steeped in regret from not having accomplished it earlier.
Regret is one of the sneakiest, time stealing, progress thieving aspects to your life experience. It hides within the spaces of your thoughts creating multiple side roads and dead ends that extend off your most simple and successful path to get what you want. Sometimes your guilt unlocks the door for regret, while other times regret partners with your fear to enhance its effectiveness; occasionally it is your anger that heats up like liquid pouring itself into a mold that attracts regret as it cools. The key is to be aware of its existence and be able to recognize it when it pops up, so you don't lose sight and direction on your course.
Career choices, business accomplishments and relationships are three of the most common subjects of regret, although a person can expend time regretting virtually anything. The act of manifestation is typically rooted in the desire one has to create or attract something. Regardless of what it is, that means you are focusing on changing something. Whether you are moving from a positive to a greater positive, or something negative to something positive, there will always be a moment while you're in the process that you'll wish you had already completed the process. Just as you use visualization to experience a feeling of success in anticipation of reaching your goal, you can use the visual to feed feelings of regret associated with not having reached your goal yet. Your desire to have what you want now may very well cause you to regret not having already taken the action to get it.
Here's an example of how guilt can lead to regret, in this case, slowing your ability to attract the relationship you desire. A friend of mine has always had a desire for a monogamous, loving relationship. She is a wonderful, vivacious woman who is typically the life of any party or get together, however she continuously dated the type of men who were not looking for the same kind of relationship. Finally, she met a man who had virtually every quality she was looking for. He always called when he said he would, he was respectful, they had plenty of great conversation, yet the more she liked him the more her insecurities about past disappointments began to filter her perspective of him. Soon she projected her own fears onto the relationship until there was no longer a good environment for the relationship to thrive.
After an amicable parting of the ways, she began to assess what happened. She soon realized that he was a good, honest person. She also saw that her own lack of trust was the reason behind her sabotaging the relationship. (This is where being able to receive what you are asking for is important; sometimes it comes and you're not ready for it, so you either don't recognize it for what it is, or you don't believe it is actually what you see, because you don't trust yourself). Once she was clear about what she had done to interrupt the flow of her relationship, she set out to meet another potential partner.
When her first few dates did not compare to the man she'd broken up with, she began to regret the end of that relationship. Instead of making peace with the past, she began to focus solely on the fact that she had ruined her chances with a great person. Her regret gave birth to feelings of stress; she started to fear that she was too late for something as if the other relationship was her only chance for love.
Approaching dates with a sense of doom interrupted her ability to enjoy herself, let alone facilitate cultivating a new relationship. Her lament over her past actions surely translated into something unpleasant during her dates, which prevented her and her date from connecting authentically. There is nothing worse than a sense of heaviness or gloom hanging over a date.
Until she was able to let go of what she perceived as past mistakes and focus her energy on attracting what she wanted, her sense of regret served as a gigantic boulder in the way of her progress. It's important to understand that regret distracts you from the present, which means it slows you down from enjoying the very condition and aspect you desire so much to manifest.
Sometimes a career path or lack thereof can be the object of your regret. I remember a client who had chosen to become a television producer. In his early 20's, he was so excited to begin his journey. However, when he turned thirty he became fixated on the measure of success. He was full of ideas and potential projects, yet rather than directing his energy toward developing them, he started to compare himself to college friends in different fields whom he believed had already achieved higher levels of success. When he became aware that his achievements did not match up with his idea of what success was at 30, he began to fear that he'd never become successful.
Despite all of the promise of his projects, his fear evolved into regret. First, he regretted not having more success; then he regretted choosing his field altogether. That regret motivated him take energy away from his projects to look for other ways he could quickly catch up to where he believed he should be financially.
When he came to me for help, he was consumed by doubt about his future. He had spent the better part of a year chasing business opportunities that he was not truly interested in. It didn't take long to affirm that he wanted nothing more than to be working in television. Ultimately, he returned to what he loved, and with renewed commitment, he made great strides in getting one of his projects to the next level. Regret took him on an extensive side trip before he was back on the path he'd already chosen for himself.
Fear, guilt and anger all open the door for the mind to generate thoughts of regret. It is natural to recognize the benefit of having done something more easily or successfully the first time around. The value is in your ability to look back just long enough to identify what did and didn't serve you in reaching your goals so you can use that information to aid you in manifesting what you want. Remember that time spent thinking about what you wish you did differently, takes time away from making your reality different.
Regret is a result of your thinking process focusing on the wrong aspects. It is choice like any other, and it's purely your choice. You can use regret as an excuse to keep you from doing the work it takes to create change as well. Define what the threat is behind your feelings. Is it simply fear of not being able to get what you want? After all, if you believe you can manifest something, you won't feel so bad that you don't already have it. When you know that it's coming, you do everything you can to make it happen faster! It's the fear that you won't have something that makes it easy for regret to take hold of you. It is useless because it serves no purpose in moving you forward. You cannot change the past, so every moment spent thinking about what is not versus developing what you want "to be," is stealing your time and delaying your desired results.
Maybe you always knew you could do something, but didn't have the desire. Now you that you are older your desires have changed. Don't squander the time you have remaining by pining over what you chose not to do in the past; identify your desired results, adjust your focus and go for it. Simple cause and effect demonstrates that you will have a result after an action.
Sometimes the residual is easy to clean up and change--other times it is much more challenging and exhausting. It can be difficult when we have to face the results of our actions. Use your energy to concentrate on creating what you desire rather than thinking about what you don't desire. The one you devote the most energy to will surely be your reality, hence the adage what you focus on expands.
Find out how regret may be sidetracking you from your goals. Did it sneak up on you, or are you actively engaging it as an excuse for not doing what you wish you did before. Get real with yourself, and don't let this sneaky time stealer take what you want before you can enjoy it! We can explore what may be holding you back in a personal session for your success.
Negative energy created from regret is a life stealer, because on its own it gives you nothing. It simply usurps more time surreptitiously as it directs your thoughts and energy toward something that has no solution. Get on the path to fulfilling your desires and manifest what you dream of today! Email me at email@example.com.