Did you know that one of the fastest ways to enhance the quality of your relationships is to improve the one you have with yourself? The holiday season provided us with one of the most comprehensive assessments of the nature of our relationships. After all, between the numerous family gatherings, work affiliated parties and desired social events, our schedules can easily overflow with social interaction. Consequently, we often spend time with those we may only see once or twice a year in addition to various family members, friends and business associates.
Along with those, you may have a second ensemble extending from your romantic partner, if you are in a relationship. No wonder we tend to feel exhausted just as the New Year begins summoning our greatest focus and disciplined energy. We all have the power of choice; more often than not, we attract the people that are in our social circles. Aside from the families we are born into, we add everyone else through various processes and life experiences. If we each have choices to create the life we desire, then that also means we have the choice to enjoy the kinds of interactions and relationships we desire as well.
There are many different aspects comprising the essence of your life experience; your relationships are one of the core pieces that either facilitate or hinder your personal journey. While it's not uncommon to hear people assessing their marriages or love relationships, far fewer recognize the significant role that all types of associations possess in the course of one's life.
Whether you examine your friendships, love relationships or familial relations, the nature of all your relationships contain a wealth of information that can help you create the life you envision. Perhaps you already enjoy super friendships along with a healthy love partnership, or maybe you have one aspect without the other. Regardless of which area(s) may be lacking, the majority of us have enjoyed (or endured) a tremendous amount of social activity by the time the New Year rolls out the red carpet for us to begin achieving our New Year's goals and resolutions. What did this season teach you about your relationships? More importantly, what can you learn about yourself to improve the relationships you have?
We all favor a positive life experience as opposed to a negative one, and yet so much of that experience is shaped by our own perception of reality. When it comes to relationships, the connection we have with ourselves often dictates what kinds of friendships, business associates and romantic partners we will attract. Everything you create begins with you.
If you look at all the elements in your life, the one common denominator in the center is you. You actually have the power to develop, create and attract everything you desire, including people. Ask yourself what kind of relationship you have with yourself. Do you like the person you are becoming on a daily basis? What do you think when you pass by a mirror and catch a glimpse of the one and only you? What you believe and feel about yourself has a lot to do with whom you attract and socialize with because you will attract people that will affirm your inner thoughts and feelings about yourself.
When I left college without finishing my degree following a trauma, I felt like I had to work harder than everyone else did in order to prove my value. In other words, I felt that people in the business sector of my life could not see my abilities or recognize them without my degree. For years, I worked extremely hard for various employers with the belief that my rewards would come once they saw my talents. I began every business relationship experiencing the same inner feelings. Guess what happened. I continued to attract people that expressed a belief in my potential. Each mentor took me on with enthusiasm, promising me a great reward for my hard work.
I was a businessperson's dream, sacrificing virtually all my time for the sake of work without question. I came in early, stayed late and often fulfilled duties outside the realm of my job to be helpful and to demonstrate dependability. Employers required copious amounts of work, long hours and extra tasks from me, all the while dangling carrots in front of me. I was not much different from the greyhound running around the track for the rabbit. My inner belief about myself was that I had to work harder than everyone else did; hence, I attracted employers that made me work harder than others.
The worst part was that although I learned a lot, none of the promises made to me were ever honored. As soon as I began to ask for what I'd been promised, the relationship would change. I was told I needed to keep working hard and be more patient. The dynamic would continue until I realized things were not going to change, ultimately resulting in the termination of each relationship.
The problem was that until I discovered what my inner feelings about myself were manifesting, I continued to replace one employer with the same type of employer time and time again. Have you ever found yourself in the same pattern over and over again? Perhaps you feared that you are unable to change it or trust yourself. The best news is that you can change the pattern as soon as you desire! Once I began to acknowledge my value, my gifts and myself, I began attracting people who also recognized my value, thus transforming the nature of my work relationships as well as enhancing my overall success.
Friendships can also be tricky because we often form a pattern in grade school that can insidiously influence the nature of our friendships for life. When I was young, I felt like an outsider, hence, I always wanted to please others so they would like me. Until I reached my mid-twenties, the majority of my friendships were rather one-sided.
As life unfolded and my desires took me to new parts of the country, I learned that my friendships were not what I perceived them to be. They were based on me being available to help and support through my actions and choices. I lost a twenty-year friend because I didn't want the same lifestyle she was choosing. A few other friends simply stopped talking to me when I moved across the country because I would no longer be available in the same ways I'd always been.
I then found myself in a new part of the country without any of the friends I'd enjoyed for years. It felt harsh at first, though it gave me an awesome opportunity to assess those relationships for what they were and learn from them. I also had to become my best friend.
I learned how to enjoy my time with myself; as a result, self-love began to grow from within. Today I have a small circle of extraordinary friends. We encourage each other to prosper in every area of our lives regardless of how our desires differ from each other. It makes no difference how much physical distance is between us; our relationships continue to grow and strengthen. We are a team supporting each other in the game of life and working together to achieve the victory of joy and success in every aspect of our lives.
Take a moment to go to a mirror and look yourself in the eyes. What do you feel when you gaze into your own eyes? What thoughts come to your mind? As an assault victim who repressed my trauma for years, I can remember setting a goal to be able to look myself in the eyes. The ability to see inner beauty took a little longer.
Romantic relationships are amongst the most sought after, feared or avoided relationships due to the level of perceived vulnerability. They are also one the best indicators of how you feel about yourself--what belief is prevailing inside of you. If you are dissatisfied with your love life, examine your past/present relationships to identify what they reveal about your relationship with you. See if there are similarities in the way your partners treated you or how the relationships ended. If so, you may have begun to lose trust in your ability to choose a good partner or question whether a good relationship is in the cards for you.
Know that you can enjoy the abundance that comes with a trusting, loving relationship by improving the one you have with you, and believing in what you desire. When you love yourself, acknowledging all your gifts as well as the areas you'd like to improve or enhance, you will attract healthy partners that will support you in your growth. You will both complement each other while enjoying the beauty of a blossoming love and friendship. However, if you doubt your value, or harbor strong fears of negative relationships, you will also attract partners--partners that fulfill your fears or affirm the negative thoughts you possess about your life, self and relationship. You may also attract a great partner only to jeopardize the relationship by not trusting or receiving what you have attracted.
Relationships of all kinds ultimately help us learn more about ourselves even when they are difficult or traumatic. When we desire growth and joy, we attract people who facilitate that. When we hold onto fear, or distrust ourselves, we will either attract people that affirm what we fear and support our negative emotions, or drive away those who don't. What have you learned about what you desire versus what you believe and feel you will or can enjoy in your relationships?
When you become your greatest ally, loving yourself from a centered internal place, you will be a magnet for the best relationships of all kinds. Perhaps, you have been very successful in business but not in love. Identify what skills have helped you make those successful associations and decisions, then use those same skills to achieve success in other areas. Believe in what you desire, trust in yourself and expect to manifest it so you recognize it when it arrives. After all, you attracted it!
We can look at your relationships more closely together through a personal coaching session. Simply contact me via email at Charly @ CharlyEmery.com.
Join me next month when we look more closely at the precious role of communication and make 2007 absolutely stellar!